Friday, December 17, 2010

The Relationship Detectives Series: Vol. 1 [Updated]

Uncovering the Truth about Relationships.
By Brandon Miller (2008)

Do you ever find yourself acting like a Relational P.I., (or Private Investigator) in a particular friendship, family relationship, or even in your marriage? 
Do wonder why you or someone else has behaved in a way not pleasant?
Well, I invite you to use these helpful codes and acronyms which illustrate the law of Sowing and Reaping, as it applies to relationships. You can't expect a healthy response from others if you begin a conversation or debate with a bad attitude. These acronyms can help you decipher some of the relationship mishaps you may be currently experiencing, but will only work if used objectively and with prayer and introspection. As a Christian, I know that God will empower you to become someone whom others can rely on, and give you the self-control and understanding needed to navigate difficult relationships. 


Verses for Mediation: The Ancient Principle of Sowing and Reaping:
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, 
this he will also reap.” - Galatians 6:7

“Consider this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” - 2 Corinthians 9:6

Proverbs 15 shows this principle in action...“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, But the mouth of fools spouts folly.” - Proverbs 15:1-2

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 Become a Relational  P.I.
Discerning between reality and wishful thinking.
When engaging with others in social situations are you a good P.I. or and bad one?

Do you know the difference between what you wish and what is real? 

P. - Perceived Affection: I think a person likes me simply because I want them to,
despite their obvious signals of disinterest or lack thereof.
I. - Intended Affection: I know for sure that this person likes me. For they have intentionally responded to my gestures of friendship or obvious signs affection.

Example 1: Give your Love Life the “P.I.” test…
When you are in love but not sure if the other person feels the same way, simply ask yourself:
Is there a genuine connection between us, or is it just my imagination?
Are they sending social cues or using body language to indicate an attraction, or is it just me?

Dealing with the pain:
When someone seems to hurt you emotionally, is your pain perceived or intended?

P. - Perceived Hurt: I feel hurt because I want to be hurt.
I. - Intended Hurt: I feel hurt because someone intended to hurt me.

Example 2: Give your Pain the “P.I.” test…
When someone close to you hurts your feelings, ask yourself:
Did they hurt me on purpose, or am I really upset about something else?
Truth: Some people project pain from their past unto those of us in the present.
We can't hold our current friends and loved ones accountable for the emotional trauma and baggage of the past. It's not fair. We must be able to tell whether or not someone meant to upset us, and when it is simply a misunderstanding.


Constructive P.I.'s?                           Destructive P.I's?
Perceptive and Interactive               Prideful and Indifferent
Peaceful and Inviting                     Pretentious and Interruptive



Are you an A.C.E. at relationships?
Do you make others feel...
A. Affirmed
C. Comforted and
E. Edified
Because you are…
A. Accepting,
C. Compassionate and
E. Encouraging?
Or Do they feel...
A. Agitated,
C. Confused and
E. Exploited
Because you are…
A. Abrasive,
C. Condescending and
E. Explicit?


Are you a good D.A.T.E.?
Reveal your best qualities: Show them that you are....
D. deep, delightful, and dependable
A. accepting, adaptive, and active
T. tasteful, thoughtful, and therapeutic
E. endearing, empathetic, and engaging
Don't be...
D. demanding, domineering, or dysfunctional
A. abusive, adamant, or anxious
T. threatening, tense, or temperamental
E. evasive, exclusive, or emotionally unstable


Do you express yourself clearly like C.I.A. agents and C.S.I. officers...?
When it's your turn to speak, be...
C. Confident
I. Intelligent &
A. Assertive
Offer comments and ideas that are...
C. Creative
S. Stimulating and
I. Innovative
Don't be...
C. Condemning
I. Inconsiderate or
A. Adversely Aggressive
Or you will look...
C. Complacent
S. Stubborn and
I. Inconsiderate

Be like an N.C.I.S. Agent by Navigating Carefully In Social Situations.



Resolve conflict utilizing the I.R.S. System...

Resolve conflict with...
I. Intellect
R. Reason and
S. Skill
Change the atmosphere by being...
I. Introspective and Intuitive
R. Respectful and Refreshing
S. Sympathetic and Soothing
When angry don't act...
I. Impulsive
R. Rash or
S. Simple-minded
Or you will look...
I. Insensitive
R. Rude and
S. Selfish



Motivate others like a relational F.B.I. Agent…
See if you are a Helpful or Destructive Force in your immediate circle of influence.
Motivate others with...
F. Faith and Fortitude
B. Beauty and Boldness
I. Inspiration and Intelligence
Not with...
F. Fear or False Promise
B. Bitterness or Bondage
I. Intimidation or Ignorance



Questions for personal growth:

Am I…_______?”


Relatable or Resistant Selfless or Selfish


Inspiring or Intimidating Inviting or Inconsiderate


Insightful or Immature Discerning or Defensive



Giving people space while building up the relationship:

Keeping tabs on your mate or a friend?


Are we…_______?”


Keeping Up” on our relationship? or “Keeping Track” of each others’ failures?



Resolving Conflict:
Arguing?


Consider which of these phrases are more constructive and life-giving instead of destructive and selfish…


I love you so” vs. “I told you so”


I’m here for you.” vs. “I’m better than you.”




Sowing and Reaping in Relationships

The Cycle of Pain: From right to left…


We Hurt Others = 's

Hurt in Self =                        = Hurt in Others

= Others Hurt Us




Commentary:
Human nature is flawed: We are all sinners and act out of sin. We all may disappoint ourselves and others at some point in life. We all have faults and quirks and baggage. We need help to flourish and thrive in life and in relationships.

Verses for Reflection: The Truth about Human Depravity
Romans chapter 3 says that, “The consequences (or result) of sin is death…all have fallen short of the glory of God.”

And Proverbs says that, “There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end leads to death.” Also, Isaiah says that All are like sheep gone astray and have turned to there own ways. There is not one righteous.”

Wide is the gate and broad the path that leads to destruction and many follow it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” - Jesus in Matthew 7

Do not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. For the day that you eat of it you will die.” (God to Adam, Genesis Chapter 3).

The nature of God is perfection. He does not settle for less but turns sinners into saints. We too, should not make excuses, but help others reach their potential and rise above their circumstances.

"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." - Luke 19:10

The example God gave through His Son is above and beyond what was required. We didn't deserve His grace. Thus, we should pass on His grace to others whether they deserve it or not.
"We love, because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19

Jesus Christ breaks the cycle of sin and death. "... I have come that you may have life more abundantly." - John 10:10b




2 comments:

  1. Awesome Blog... God Bless...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU and may God show Himself to you in a unique and powerful way, and make His abode with you. -

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