Friday, December 17, 2010

The Relationship Detectives Series.

The Relationship Detectives Series: Part 1
Uncovering the "Why?” in Relationships.
By Brandon Miller (2008)

Do you ever find yourself acting like a Relational PI, (or Private Investigator) in a particular friendship, family relationship, or even marriage? You want to figure out why someone in your life, or even yourself behaved or spoke a certain way?
 Well, have fun cracking these helpful codes and acronyms while learning about the law of Sowing and Reaping as it applies to relationships. Use alliteration with letters to remember hints about attitudes and behaviors. (These acronyms might help decipher some of your relationship mishaps, but only work appropriately when used in a prayer-full and honest manner. Remember that motivation inspired by God empowers us to grow inwardly and relationally and is the best way to approach any relationship.)

Acronyms and Alliteration:  P.I., ACE, FBI, D.A.T.E. and “I-am’s?”

-John Doe, P.I. - Give your situation a “P.I.” test…

When you are in love and not sure if they feel the same way, ask yourself:
Is their affection mistakenly perceived  or rightfully intended for you?
P-Perceived Affection: I feel like they love me only because I want them too, despite their obvious signals of disinterest.                                                                                       
I-Intended Affection: I know that they love me because they have intended for me to receive their affection in this way.          
When someone seems to hurt you emotionally, is your pain perceived or intended?

P-Perceived Hurt: I feel hurt because I want to be hurt and I don’t know how to not feel pain in this situation. 

I -Intended Hurt: I feel hurt because they want me to feel this way, or intended to hurt me.     

-When in a conversation, are you a good “P. I.” or and bad one?
Perceptive and Interactive                                                                                                          
Peaceful and Inviting           
Prideful and Indifferent 
Pretentous and Interruptive
-Are you an A.C.E. at relationships?

Do you make others feel      
Accepted, Comforted and Excited  Because you are…   Accepting, Compassionate and Encouraging 

Or  Do they feel  Agitated, Confused and Exploited   Because you are…  Abrasive, Condescending and Explicit         

-Investigate behaviors like an relational F.B.I. Agent…

Are You Constructive in your investigation, motivating others by Faith, Boldness and Inspiration?
Or  Destructive: motivating others with Fear, Bitterness and Intimidation?
-Are you a good DATE?                                                                                              
D dazzling-deep-delightful                                                                                          
A acceptable-adaptable-alive                                                                                     
T tasteful-thoughtful-therapeutic                                                                            
E encouraging-enthusiastic-exuberant                                                                                

-Or a bad DATE?
D demanding-domineering-dysfunctional 
A abusive-adamant-anxious  
T threatening-tense- temperamental 
 E evasive-exclusive- emotional
-“Am I…_______?”
Relatable or Resistant                                                                                                 
Selfless or Selfish  
Inspiring or Intimidating                                                                                                              
Inviting or Inconsiderate
Insightful or Immature 
Discerning or Defensive                        

“-Are we…_______?”
“Keeping Up”on our relationship?        vs.      “Keeping Track” of each others’ failures?

- Arguing? Consider which of these phrases are more constructive and life-giving instead of destructive and selfish…
“I love you so” vs. “I told you so”                                     vs.                                    “I’m here for you.” vs. “I’m better than you.”

Sowing and Reaping in Relationships

-Cycle of Pain:  From right to left…

We Hurt Others = >

Hurt in Self = >                                                              < = Hurt in Others

< = Others Hurt Us

-Human nature is flawed: We are all sinners and act out of sin. “The consequences (or result) of sin is death…all have fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans Chapter 3). “There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end leads to death” (Proverbs). All are like sheep gone astray and have turned to there own ways. There is not one righteous” (Isaiah). “Wide is the gate and broad the path that leads to destruction and many follow it” (Jesus Christ). “Do not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. For the day that you eat of it you will die.” (God to Adam, Genesis Chapter 3).

The nature of God is perfection. He does not settling for less but turns sinners into saints. We too, should not make excuses, but help others reach their potential and not stay stuck. 
 Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." 

The example: God Gave above and beyond what was required. Especially since He was not obligated. We didn't deserve His grace. 1 John 4:19 "We love, because He first loved us."

Jesus Christ breaks the cycle of sin and death. John 10:10b "... I have come that you may have life more abundantly."



  1. Awesome Blog... God Bless...

    1. THANK YOU and may God show Himself to you in a unique and powerful way, and make His abode with you. -